“You could be great at listing goals but for them to become reality, you must truly believe in your ability”

 

Why goals don’t translate to results

Ever wondered why despite carefully laying out your goals on paper, planning a path, yet your goals continue to be elusive?  And still, some people in their lifetime are incredibly productive.  Why are some more driven than others?

We know that action is required to take a goal from inception, nailing down the details including the deadline, to completion.  However, to take relentless action one must feel the hunger, the zeal or drive.  It is a consistent record of actions that results in measurable progress.  How do you commit on a long term basis consistently to produce the results you seek?  Any goal, for example, lose 15 pounds in 3 months, requires the sustainable drive that takes you from zero to 15 pounds.  Many are able to commit to a plan with the initial excitement and euphoria of something new but somewhere further along into the actual grunt work, we lose motivation or interest. 

When interviewing high achievers, they were asked, “what keeps you going every day with the drive to complete your goal?”  The answers share a common timbre.  They feel the excitement of  arrival at the destination with such clarity that their actions become not a question of whether they will fail or not but simply  steps to an inevitable realization.  They are very connected day in and day out, to the results.  They don’t see their daily tasks as mundane, inconvenient or too hard, but simply key steps to get to the destination.  This is paramount to the process.  I remember asking one such productive person, how did she manage to keep her drive level high.  She confessed to me that there are some low days, but few.  The other days she just did what she had to do.  I asked what made you just do it.  She replied, “because I had a plan and I knew that this action today would lead me further along towards reaching my goal and that today’s action was a critical part of reaching my goal”.  “Without completing today’s tasks, I would not be able to move closer to the completion of my goals”   She regarded each day’s actions as important blocks in the structure that would eventually be formed as the completion of her goal.  Incredibly she went about her task with a joy as though they were one and the same as the actual goal.  Such was the vividness of her faith?  High productive people seem to never lose sight of the destination, staying very connected always to the goal.  Their daily lives are structured towards this goal, becoming like a religion, a deep faith.

I was reading Jack Canfield’s book, The Success Principles.   He says after writing your goals, you must feel the arrival point of your dream with such intimacy that it drives your current actions.  Are religious people more successful?  A study by the University of Miami suggested that religious people viewed their goals as sacred, willed by God.  It seemed that once they believed that, they put more commitment and effort towards their goals with the conviction that success was bestowed upon them by virtue of actions seemingly guided by a higher power.   Is God the reason people achieve more?  I personally don’t think so but I am not that arrogant to discard it totally.  What do I know?  Well apart from my personal “confusion”, there is no evidence to support this or deny, like most results related to God.  However, there is a phenomena that occurs when you feel more confident in the outcome of your actions as a result of faith.  This is supported by the study mentioned earlier.  It is simply that faith which drives a  confidence in your actions such that every hurdle becomes a test of delayed glory, glory that is inevitable because of a higher power behind you. 

What if you don’t believe in God?  How do you harness this security that your destination is only a matter of time and certain.   You can develop faith in yourself.  Faith in God evolves from a confidence in the power of God.  What if you believed in your power to make things happen?  Pete Sampras, winner of 14 major grand slams in tennis, at the top of his game, had an aura about him when he played.  He was confident that as long as he played his game he was going to win.  When he was challenged, he raised his game because he knew that the game was his to win.  Was Pistol Pete religious?  I never saw him mouth a prayer to the skies during the difficult points or after a hard fought victory.  He would seem to look towards the skies but once you followed his gaze, he was looking up to his very beautiful girlfriend at the time, Bridgette Wilson.   This is the faith that can be attained by someone who is not religious, faith in yourself.  Faith in yourself only comes from a record.   That record I refer to, is not only of winning grand slams, it is one of completion, the feeling, the belief, the confidence, that you are someone who is able to complete tasks.   You must develop a record of task completion.  But you say, that is the problem! Completing tasks!!  Well you develop this record by starting with little things with great chances of success.  Gradually you move up to higher level tasks.  It is like building a muscle, a muscle that you will be able to place your faith in.   (If you are unable to have that type of faith in you, there is a way to get there – TBA)  

What if you had a goal that you firmly believed that an immense force was behind you to help you achieve it, that it would not be without failures or challenges, but that the force behind you would help you overcome such pitfalls as long as you believed in the success of your efforts?  Feel it, live it, stubbornly believe that there is no way that you will fail.   This kind of mindset affords an individual the faculty to overcome challenges that are inevitably part of the road to success.  The next time you write down a goal, remember to think of it as not just a goal but something that has almost already happened or inevitably will.  Note that I am not asking you to be religious, I am asking you to have faith in you!  BELIEVE IN YOU!  Imagine what you could be capable of if you believed that you had the ability to achieve whatever your heart desired.  Don’t you have that ability?  How do you know?  Have you ever committed 100% to something consistently and really failed?  Or wasn’t it true that your failures were painted by a discouraged disenfranchised mental fortitude that robbed you of the commitment to consistent efforts necessary to succeed, and be what you were really capable of?

Writing down a goal should not just be a casual experiment of what you might be possible, it should be something that you feel with conviction and would be just a matter of time!  Remember Jim Carrey’s story?  The one where when he was driving his old Toyota  and struggling as an actor.  At that time, with nothing to his name, he wrote himself a check for $10M AND dated it Thanksgiving 1995 and carried it in his wallet from that day forth.  We know how that worked out.  In case you don’t, just before Thanksgiving 1995, he found out that he was going to make $10M for Dumb and Dumber.  I have to depart my consciousness to appreciate that movie’s humor but it made a helluva lot of money so what do I know?

What do you have to lose in having faith that your 100% effort will produce results?

FAITH OVER FEAR!

 

Today I embark for the second time to lick my body into shape. There is an element of embarassment that I am starting my benchpress at 65 lbs, but I already know the power of cosistency. Consistency is engine behind the rewards of Compounding Marginal Return.

 

Today I am starting at 65 lbs but with consistent application of marginal effort and incremental progress,I expect to be benching more than body weight by Thanksgiving, exactly 3 months away, the 24th of November.

1/22/2021 – Update

I failed.  I did not stick to my program.  Other things took precedence.  This is life.  There will always be things that will interrupt your path to your goal.  So here I go again.  Results matter, reasons excuses are the mediocre way.

Remember to be consistent, just follow the basic focus. “Stop thinking, just do”  or “Mat socho bas karo”  As I have said before your mind is what stops you from being consistent.  Just stop thinking and move…forward.  As I write this, I am saying it to myself too, because I need to be coached to be pushed to get it done.  Did it before and will do it again.  I did it using the Mat Socho Bas Karo way.

 

Impress yourself first


In life we begin by trying to impress our parents, then relatives then friends, bosses, peers, and the list goes on and on.  Pretty soon our own concept of what it is to be a good person who we can love gets drowned out by the voices of others impressing upon us how we should be, to garner enough likes, enough followers and basically the approval of others.  We may say that we know what we want to be but how often is that enough for us?  How amazing would it be to just be a person that meets our own expectations of ourselves. As a bonus, this practice actually gives our self esteem an energizing boost!

I once read that how we see ourselves is based upon how we think others think about us.  Why not cut out the middle man and just base this upon how you see yourself without filtering that perception through the eyes of others?  It would be liberating, wouldn’t it?

Try this.  From now on, just focus on impressing yourself based upon YOUR OWN expectations.  Try this for a week.  Word of caution:  you know those instagram posts that you like to browse? watch out, they are a culprit of how you think about yourself too, especially the ones with a gazillion of likes.  For this week of trial of impressing yourself, have a vision of the person you would like to be and make a list of tasks based upon that vision.  This week, have some tasks to complete that fuels this vision, simple tasks that you WILL complete, like reading a few chapters to a child, which may be part of your vision to be a great parent.  

Impress yourself first and you end up being well planted on a path that yields a journey you will love to reflect upon proudly.  Do it!  Impress you first!  As always, mat socho bas karo.  Don’t think, just do!

– Love Yourself Series

 

Can’t seem to have enough time

Intention without execution

Lately it seems that my time runs out, it gets late, but I am not covering those tasks that need to be done. I remember starting with the list approach and getting stuff done but now it seems that my list has once more become just an intention without execution. I know that life is short that you start with a goal/objective, spin off the tasks to get there with a deadline and go forward. However it seems that I am involved in things that devour my time and I am left once again feeling unaccomplished.

First of, there needs to be honest accountability. “What we can measure, we can change”, the motto of my employer. I know this to be true so I need to start reviewing where my time is going. It is obvious that time is limited and even more so if you squander it. What is squandering time? By doing things that are not relevant to your purpose and goals? Don’t you need down time? I know this to be important which is why I like to have Sundays as the day without disciplined time slots. It is a day to use my time carelessly and freely. These days I normally schedule, I can never get a way from scheduling, to do things that I love, like kayaking, golfing, etc. I should add reading to that mix. Imagine kayaking to a nice remote safe area, putting up a hammock and reading a book? This is definitely going to be scheduled for a near Sunday.

I believe that answer to this predicament lies in my pattern. Habits reveal the path you are on towards your future, which is why it is important to review your habits from time to time.

Remember though that there are tasks that need to be done, household tasks, family tasks, financial budgeting and record keeping tasks, and so on. Therefore there needs to be a balance. In the past I have assessed my time by allocating it to segments of my life on a pie chart to see where the time was going. I need to do this again.

Action plan. Review current/past pattern and correct. Ensure that time is spent on the meaningful tasks of your purpose

I am excited to review, revive and refocus! It is a journey without perfection but with perseverance towards perfection.

7/29 Update

Finding out that I’m easily diverted into activites that eat up time. Once you set time constraints on how long you have to do a task, you realize that you’re very inefficient. Fix: Acknowledgement of weakness is first step. Now to lock myself into a task and finish on time. Doing this frees up more time for other fun stuff. Here we go.

Conversation with a veteran, a marriage veteran.

Met a 98 year old woman today who was married for 60 years.

MARRIAGE RATE: 6.5 per 1,000 population

DIVORCE RATE: 2.9 per 1,000 population

*https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm

 

Me: “Wow, that is unheard of these days. What age did you get married?”

Her: ” I was just out of high school, so 18.”

“So if your husband passed away in 2010, then you were married for 60 years!! That is incredible but maybe not so unusual for your generation.”

“Not really, back then when you got married, that was it. You had no other choice so you only thought of making it work or working with it”..chuckle.

“Now it’s one thing to be married for a long time, but were you happily married?”

“Now that’s the thing about marriage. You are not always going to be happily married. You make it work.”

“That’s very different from today. Today, it’s “I deserve better”, “Oh my, I made a bad choice”….too much second guessing, too many escape options”

Disclaimer:  I divorced and remarried.  I am happily married.  However what I know now, may have saved my first marriage and avoided much inconvenience for my children.  I was married the first time for 15 years and now happily married to a beautiful and diligent wife, herself a divorcee.  We were engaged for over 7 years before we officially tied the knot.  Talk about caution!  

The legacy of marriage

First the cold reality of a happy marriage:

  • For better or worse but not forever
  • Expect unhappy moments
  • Don’t entertain “other options”
  • It’s worth it in the end, i.e. your legacy
  • Physical abuse is a deal breaker

Your Legacy

Most seasoned married people, happily married, meaning in a marriage that they would prefer to stay in due to a level of sustained enjoyment, would tell you that they experienced periods of unhappiness where they may have even hated their spouse. It takes time to truly understand each other and not take issues personally. You will have fights. You will want to leave. However, if things don’t improve, it is time to have a third party be involved.

Someone, a woman of many married years, in her intuitive wisdom, said, “A woman looks for love and a man looks for respect, in a relationship” This doesn’t mean that the woman doesn’t need respect or the man doesn’t need love. It means this is their respective priorities in terms of needs and expectations.

Of course this is not to condone divorce, but only as a last resort when love has been extinguished or there’s physical abuse involved. There are also cases where destructive patterns do not get cured but then there is the issue of how long should the other spouse wait. It should certainly be at least a year if it’s not related to infidelity. In other words improvement may not be immediate or in the very short term.

All of this is based upon talking with and observing couples in successful marriages.  We will continue to consult with men and women to provide real advice from folks who speak from experience not theory. 

A successful marriage fosters and yields a great legacy normally, the effect of which is felt by generations to come. In the same manner broken marriage may inflict damages that have a cascading effect on subsequent generations.

Why this blog?

Why are we doing this?

 

 

Almost everyone and their dog have a blog these days. I am not kidding about the dog blog, Disney even has a show out there about a dog with a blog.  Jiffpom,  a little pomeranian, has over 10M followers on Instagram.  He gets over 100,000 likes per post.  A dog is kicking my ass!!!  Well he is beating most of the world with his cuteness.

jiffpom's profile picture

https://www.instagram.com/jiffpom/?utm_source=ig_embed

There is no denying the benefits of this fairly inexpensive way to connect with society for enterprising individuals. Whether your motive is commerce, selfless sharing, fundraising, socially conscious content, or just merely ego-norturing, a blog allows a comprehensive way to market and distribute your material, to connect meaningfully -depending on your commitment.

We had to do something that appealed to our very core being, something that pulled us not where we had to be pushed to employ our faculties to produce.  All my adult years, I have always felt that there were a unique set of abilities that each person possessed, making the statement true, “all men are created equal”. 

The problem I have felt and personally experienced, was that we tend to have a problem utilizing our time towards the fulfillment of our true desires.  Even more fundamental, we are not able to connect with our real purpose, wasting time waiting for it to “come to us”.  We don’t have the drive, we are not energized, getting even more discouraged as time flows on. We wonder why we are not driven like the other high achievers.

Now I know.  After studying other high achievers, acknowledging their respective attributes that contributed to their respective high level of performance, the answer is simpler than we thought.  What is interesting is that there is no one formula for success.  Not “work hard”, “take risks”, “be consistent”, “just do”, although “just do” is very close to the formula for success.  I have a variation of this that I use for a step in the whole success process.

Am I successful?  Am I rich?  No, not by the standards that I have set for myself.  I have a great job, car, home, etc. but I am looking for financial freedom, more control over my time and joyful challenge in my daily work.

However, beginning last year, I was on my way.  After years of wondering what I was doing wrong, why IT wasn’t working, why hard work was not returning a healthy monetary result, it became clear.

At the end of 2021, I hope to have the outline for my first book as a guide for those chasing success but never seeming to make real progress.

So here we are at this blog on a journey together, uplifting ourselves together as we practice the lessons I learned from the actual high achievers themselves.  In addition, we will also learn from those who failed.  Only learning from those who succeeded will not provide enough material to keep you on the right path.   On this blog, we will share their stories and their advices.  My past mistakes will be your salvation.  This blog is about you and me, about empowering and enriching our lives.  

Pages vs. Posts

clock

If you’re new to WordPress you may be wondering what’s the big deal behind Pages and Posts. At first glance they appear to be one and the same: if you were to create either a new page or a new post you’d be presented with nearly identical interfaces and in many cases the public appearance of pages and posts will look the same.

Don’t let this fool you. There’s a very fundamental difference between the two and that difference is what makes CMSs, like WordPress, great platforms for integrating blogs with traditional websites.

Pages

Think about the kind of pages that make up a typical website. Most often you’ll see pages like “Home”, “About Us”, “Services”, “Contact Us”, etc. Within WordPress these are often treated as Pages; documents that have no particular regard for the time they were posted.

For example, when you visit the “About Us” page of your favorite company’s website you don’t expect the content to be very different from what was available there a week ago.

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Plan Your Content

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If you’re considering adding a blog to your site, you’ll want to have a plan beforehand. Planning your blog will help your subject matter remain consistent over time. It’ll also help you determine whether or not there’s enough material to maintain a steady stream of posts.

One pitfall many new bloggers run into is starting a blog that isn’t posted to frequently enough. A shortage of recent posts can give your visitors a bad impression of your business. One may think “I wonder if they’re still in business” or “they may want to hire a writer.”

A blog, like any other customer facing aspect of your business, communicates your brand. If it isn’t maintained and given proper attention, people will notice. Post regularly and keep your content fresh. Give your audience a reason to visit often.

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